The First and Last Dance – Message to the Groom
When asked to write a post pertaining to our lucky grooms, I pondered for a long time about what to write. When it comes to the entertainment or music, I am fortunate to be in contact with the groom nearly as much as the bride. It seems as though grooms know their place is not picking out colors, dresses, flowers, etc. They understand that if there is one area of the wedding planning for which they want and can be involved, it’s picking the music. (Please take no offense from my generalization… some couples do ALL the planning together… which is awesome!) If I had a dime for every time I heard a bride say, “The music is the ONE thing he wants to be a part of,” I would be rich!
Grooms, under what category might you fall?
For simplicity, we could categorize grooms into two groups, those who dance and those who don’t dance. The groom who dances typically will have a lot of requests and some pretty pointed ideas of what he’s going to want in order to have a good time. The groom who doesn’t dance will often understand that guests will be dancing and that much of the music played will be music that he either doesn’t listen to or that he dislikes. However, you shouldn’t fear… you can still have music that you like (even if it is unusually heavy), played on the wedding day. It just needs to be sprinkled in at the appropriate moments.
If you are in the first group (you dance), the advice I give you is to be considerate of your fiance’s wishes. Of course, all of this is dependent on many factors, but for the most part the bride cares very much about each aspect of her wedding day, including the music. Just because a groom is not interested in the many other facets of a wedding day, doesn’t give him carte blanche with the music. Because the music is so important to setting the tone, it’s likely that the bride will want to be a guiding force when making song selections.
For you non dancers… there is still hope (that you might get some of YOUR music played at the wedding). Pick some songs that are not offensive, that are less heavy than usual, and that would be appropriate for particular times of the night. These times do NOT include the ceremony procession, the first dance, nor most other really special parts of the wedding day, sorry to point out the obvious. There are, however, many times such as while people are eating their salads or during the cocktail hour, for which the music you like could get incorporated, thus making you feel more comfortable.
No matter which category you fit, I believe it is important to be an integral part of selecting the first and the last dance songs of the reception. Even if you are a “non-dancing” groom, you will likely partake in the wedding song (the first dance) and you should consider being there with your spouse for the last song. In my opinion, these two songs are among the most important of the wedding day, the first dance for obvious reasons, and the last because it’s the last chance to reflect on the day as it’s still happening. The last song is that song that people will hear in their head as they are thanking and congratulating you. So whether you want little to do with the music selection, or if you are hands on, please pay special attention to deciding with your fiance what the two most special songs of your reception will be.